Getting Over The Hump

Have you ever tried to do something—a task, a project, a performance—but felt an unnerving sense of dread while working towards it? "What if I don't learn this properly?" you ask yourself. "What if I'm just wasting my time with this project?" you added, sounding more defeated. You open up YouTube to try and watch some tutorials, but all of them look cryptic and difficult. How can he pull that backflip that easily? How can he jump and make that three-pointer so easily? How does she crochet that flower pattern so well? These questions swirl inside your head as you continue to fall flat on your face, brick every shot, and make every flower you crochet look like a paint splatter. You feel distraught and tell yourself that you'll never achieve the skills that you were longing for. You started believing that you'd never get to learn any of the skills you wanted to learn, so you gave up or didn't start at all. Feeling like you'll never get over the hump.

The thing is, why didn't you start? You have all the materials you need, it seems. You had a piece of paper and a pen; you had a bit of time on your hands; and maybe you even bought the tools or gears already to begin, so why didn't you start? I know it looks like we already answered this in the opening, but the truth is, we only described the events but not the root. If they're too good at what they do, why not try to imitate them? "What if I fail and waste all of my progress and time?" you might ask. "So what if you wasted it? That just means you need to try again and use a different approach," is what I would reply to you. Who cares if you look stupid in the beginning? The people around you who might or might not be practicing the same skill as you? For those who aren't practicing the same things you are, or not practicing anything at all, why should you listen to their lack of expertise? Are they giving you safe advice? Listen. If they're mocking you, why don't they try it for themselves? For those who do practice the same skill, are better, and have progressed so much already, why should you listen to them when they know very well that they were once like you? They were once inexperienced and unable to accomplish greatness.

However, all of these are just excuses that we're trying to nip one by one. If we keep doing this, it's like fighting the Hydra with one sword; we will never be finished. That is why we once again ask, why are we afraid of doing or learning something new or unnerving to us? It's because of fear. Fear is the culprit behind all our stuttering. It is zapping all our willpower to persevere through the tough times of progress. It is what kills our joy in knowing and replaces it with the anxiety of failing to know more.

Despite my advice, I have fallen into one of these major fear spirals before and dealt with something that many people might deem to be not a matter of fear but of character: procrastination. Although our society, with its immense grind culture, has coronated procrastination as the ultimate sign of laziness, the frozen feeling when posed with a daring subject matter is deeply engrained in fear. That feeling of crippling fear is what I felt when I was studying for my admission exam to my dream school. I can still vividly remember the pile of books, notes, and paper around me. Multiple pens bled dry as I tried to jot down the copious amount of information in each lesson I was studying, based solely on a free online reviewer I found that was both outdated and for a different school's admission exam. It was tiring, and this was on top of my already overbearing studies that I wanted to ace. As time went by and the events in my calendar slowly approached the circled date, I started closing my books. I began prioritizing leisure over studying despite knowing I had a massive task lurking just behind a 7-day wall. A task that I knew I wasn't half ready to face. I had taken the practice exams, yes, but I had not studied the mistakes I had made thoroughly. I even cheated in one of my self-timed tests as I constantly opened the tab that had all of the answers on it. To put it simply, it was a nightmare. As much as I want to say that I got myself together and clutched my review to redeem myself, that would be a work of fantasy, because we all know what often happens in this scenario: we open the books, feel so overwhelmed that we do one menial part of it, and close it as hard as we can. I didn't finish my review, let alone discover what I did wrong. I didn't even practice taking the exam under pressure. When the day came and I rushed through all my answers, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just halfheartedly writing them down. I had a strong feeling I would fail. However, I am thankful to God that I didn't, and I barely passed the exam.

In that story, what can we notice? I want you to place yourself in that scenario or remember a moment in your life that was similar to the circumstance I just presented to you. Now, ask yourself why you might procrastinate. Is it because you're lazy? No, you know full well that you want to pass and are doing what you can to pass. Perhaps it's some hedonistic aspect of you that you weren't aware of. It can't be because you only started putting leisure over work when you got stressed. What is it, then? Being overwhelmed. How many times have you seen a pile of tasks so monumental or tedious that you just tell yourself, "I'll do that later," before leaving? I can bet good money that we've all at least once pushed a task again and again because we thought it was tiring. That idea is predicated on fear. Fear of getting stuck in a ton of work. Fear of not being able to complete the task. Fear that you are not up to the task. Conquering fear means we have also broken the shackles holding us back from being the best version of ourselves. We can only be our true selves if we are not afraid of menial things based on socially-instilled fear. As such, what can we do to fight these fears?

Coming from someone who has been generally anxious all their life, this advice truly helped me get through my fears and anxieties. Take note that these are purely experiential analyses with a hint of scientific accuracy and should not be taken as professional suggestions; talk to a counselor or psychiatrist for better advice. With that said, I realized these:

1.) By accepting that these fears are all in my head and that nothing drastic will happen to me if I ever partake in the activity I dread, I was able to remove the power of these thoughts. One shouldn't suppress their emotions or thoughts, because the more we do, the more intense they become. The brain is concerned with fixing our problems, so shoving these thoughts away makes our brain want to resolve them more because they become powerful. If we believe that we will lose something—social life, pride, respect—if we ever even step foot on a stage to speak, then that fear becomes real. That fear controls us. However, if we allow these thoughts to occur but dismiss them as nothing but ideas, then our brain no longer sees them as a concern. After that, our brain will now see the task at hand in a more objective manner.

Example:

Brain: "We were made leaders in a team? I can't lead a team. What if I mess it up?! They'll be mad at me... I can't handle that!"

You: "Leadership doesn't mean carrying the burden all by myself. I have teammates, and if they don't work, I can just talk to my teacher about it. I'm not a bad leader; I just haven't practiced yet."

In this example, you removed the power of the thought. You pluck out the arguments one by one.

2.) By exposing ourselves to these fears slowly and surely, our brains will develop a tolerance for them. The technique is called Exposure Therapy. Many times, our fears stem from negative experiences that we have had in a particular situation. These experiences can create ideas that continue to shape our thoughts and feelings about that scenario. Because of these negative experiences early in our lives, we never give ourselves time to truly examine these fears. A good example would be the fear of socializing. A good number of children have fears about interacting with other children because they have been bullied, pushed, or laughed at by other kids before. As a result, they become reserved and detached from their peers. This is often dealt with by having a counselor work with the child to unravel their pain and then slowly give them tasks that require human interactions and building relationships. By "exposing" them to their fear, the child builds tolerance or has a new epiphany. If we do this with our "irrational" fears slowly and safely, we can build our tolerance.

Example:

There is an opening for a singing contest at your school. You saw that your schedule allows you to join, you're free for the auditions, and you have a knack for music. Then why not attempt it? Write your name in the registration form and see what happens. Maybe invite a trusted person, a friend or family member, to go with you to soothe you so that the experience is not as dreadful as it can be. Win or lose, you are now building exposure to your fear and seeing the objective truth rather than the exemplified idea of it placed by your brain on it.

3.) Last but not least, we can deal with our fears by talking to a professional. We should never undermine the power of talking and communicating our inner feelings to someone with the ability to analyze our situation. Opening up to trusted individuals, or venting, is a crucial aspect of our emotional stability. However, if we feel distant from the people around us due to fears that are far more complex and overbearing than simple stage jitters, a professional is the person to go to. As someone who once aspired to study psychology, understanding human emotion is a complex ideal, even in scientific terms; thus, unveiling these dim and dark feelings within us on our own is similar to healing a concussion or a closed fracture on our own. It might work, but there could be massive repercussions due to unforeseen effects we are not aware of. Example: If we try to combat our self-hatred on our own, we might not be able to remove its power on our own, as the reason it existed in the first place was that we were completely convinced of its rhetoric. We must not try to handle things on our own when it comes to pain. Again, no man is an island. This step does not require an example, as talking to a professional is a tailored experience, or at least should be.

Fear is an unwavering part of human existence. For as long as humans have tried to survive on this planet, paranoia about the animals around us has thrived. Fear then evolved to suit our modern needs, which are now human connection, human interaction, and success in many man-made systems. These manifest themselves in the idea of grinding to earn more and spare ourselves from financial ruin, but they also manifest themselves in small things, such as stage fright. Combating these thoughts and labeling them as mere thoughts is an essential step to overcoming them. These steps won't be easy or quick, but knowing what to do can serve as our road map. Over many hills, down many valleys, and across many dim roads, we can push through. Life is out there, and so is success, but fear is the haze that fogs all of them. As such, we need to deal with fear to get over the hump.